Back Cover Description:
When Ash experienced severe dehydration from food poisoning, she began to have vivid and intense imaginative experiences with characters in a one-woman show of epic proportions. But her nightmare was far from over when she was involuntarily committed to a mental health hospital and faced abuse at the hands of those who were supposed to help her. From assault and battery to false imprisonment and the unimaginable horrors of the psychiatric ward, her ordeal tested her strength and resilience to the limit. Her family was powerless to help her, and even after her release, she found that her home environment was toxic and suffocating. In order to heal and grow, she made the brave decision to leave behind everything she knew and start anew. This raw and unflinching memoir is a powerful testament to the strength of the human spirit and the ability to overcome even the most dire circumstances.
Table of content:
Part 1 – The Circles:
Chapter 1: Round 1
Gods and Goddesses attack me for wanting to find a way to give them karma like humans. I work with my sister to fend them off. I stay in a circle of salt banishing the Gods and Goddesses, fighting for my life and my family from their wrath.
Chapter 2: Round 2
I think I’m protected and it’s all over until I’m jumped by two unhappy Gods. They attack me for saying I’ll worship another and block me from reaching out to my Goddess. My sister creates a circle in our basement and together we fight the two intruders again on no sleep. I’m alone battling against them and am losing hope.
Chapter 3: Aftermath
I feel like I’m dying and ask my Goddess to save me. Together we keep me alive against the negativity and chaos of my home. We move to my room and call in Archangel Uriel to help heal me. One of the Goddesses left behind remnants out of spite and it takes all three of us to push them out.
Part 2 – Lucifer:
Chapter 1: Higher Power
All-seeing Higher Power discusses the events that happened to me. After a vow made to protect me, the Gods and Goddesses come back and I call in my Spirit Family to protect me. Higher Power gets tainted and I’m the only one who can heal it. Gods keep showing up and I have to call in Lucifer through my right eye to drag them down with him to Hell’s Dungeon.
Chapter 2: The Deals
Lucifer comes through me. He gave his remnants rewards for helping him, so I made reward claims with Lucifer too. I’m careful as he eyes my sparkly, spirit family, and a watching Higher Power. Lucifer steps in place of Higher Power as my protector, and fights off attacking Gods and Goddesses as per our arrangement.
Chapter 3: Lucifer Unmasked
The true Lucifer comes out in the bathroom. He isn’t playing pretend anymore. I fight to make sure he sticks to our arrangements and he can’t back out of them. He starts seeing my power, and wants this version of me now, not a reincarnated version. He summons reapers and he must battle them or break our agreement and receive karma himself.
Chapter 4: Shit Show
Lucifer broke our agreement and came back to try to escape through me. I have to close each portal he opens through my body before he succeeds.
Part 3 – Resurrection
Chapter 1: Together We Fight
Higher Priestess helps to get rid of all the bad things in the universe so only the good remain.
Chapter 2: Death One
I summon Death to help revive me after dying from my battle with Lucifer. My revival after death isn’t working correctly and Death has to make sure I don’t feel the pain of death. Remnants are hidden in my body and mind again thanks to Lucifer, and Death has to find them and get rid of them.
The remnants tire of me lying in shit, and try to get my body up for a bath multiple times. Death fails me and after my soul returns to my body I have to destroy them and my attacking Spirit Family.
Chapter 3: Death Two
To keep balance the horse from the vortex becomes the new Death. I discover its secret that it is two horses and it tries to kill me for knowing.
Part 4 – Insanity Mode
Chapter 1: Insanity Mode
Insanity Mode is triggered as a fail safe of the universe when the world is unbalanced. I’m stuck in Insanity mode fighting attackers at every turn. They kill me but I come back stronger and more insane with every death. I meet the Dungeon Master from Hell’s Dungeon that I had destroyed with the help of Higher Priestess before. He’s different from the others and I think he is meant to help balance the world. Things go wrong with the healed version of Dungeon Master and they multiply and create creatures they aren’t suppose to. I have to get rid of them and protect the original Dungeon Master.
Chapter 2: Light and Stars
I’m attacked by the infinity of the monstrous dungeon master angels. Light and Stars shares a body with their daughter, and has to activate Dungeon Master. He is Moon and Sky, and it takes him an adjustment period. Stars wants the world to be a happy place with no sickness, anger, or violence, and is upset that everything keeps stopping it.
Chapter 3: Guess Who
Lucifer comes back admitting he faked his death and was around watching me the entire time. He knows everything and how strong I really am and refuses to leave.
Chapter 4: Regenerate
Lucifer interferes with my revival causing many failed attempts.
I accidentally separated the good, original Lucifer from the Lucifer molecules. It causes the Lucifer molecules to attack me more until our internal battle causes them to go insane. The insane molecules know they will die if I die, but they won't let me regenerate.
The angel got stuck to me and the Lucifer molecules merged becoming the original good Lucifer Morningstar angel.
Chapter 5: Time Jump
Lucifer Morningstar angel hides me in a different life as Hannah in Toronto but it fails.
Part 5 – Death
Chapter 1: 2 Death's
As Death I fulfill my duty by entertaining the rape Sun God, and the other Gods and Goddesses trying to attack me. I have them look in mirrors and admire themselves so I can catch a break.
Lucifer Angel's 1 and 2 are attacked and I send them back to Death 2 for safety.
Chapter 2: Reset
I reset the world to get rid of Gods and punishment, but something messed with it and Gods still exist. I have to entertain them again by pretending to be insane.
Chapter 3: Death's Sperm
That monster rape creation is back and I discover that it is created from innocents of virgins and souls. Using my power I suck it in layer by layer to erase it, but it still remains.
Chapter 4: Battle for Rest
As Death I don't let anything interfere with the balance of the world, even if that means dosing my limbs in buckets of black acid to regrow them again.
I realize I'm not Death, I'm Universe. I let the remaining Gods and creatures know I am taking an indefinite break. I put the humans and animals in boxes to be safe, but the rest will disappear.
Chapter 5: Hide and Seek
The rape God formely known as Higher Power is back and trying to impregnant Death. Death cannot get pregnant, nothing lives in Death's body. I move the babies it makes me swallow into Death's stomach acid, angering the rape God.
Lucifer helps me hide from the rape God as it snaps in my ears to find me.
Part 6 –The Lokis'
Chapter 1: Pretty Kitty
I'm training my son, Loki, to play peek-a-boo with the Gods and trick them into their own destruction. He finds out he's been my "Pretty Kitty" all along, that Gods have gone after and I've fiercely protected.
Evil Loki's invade the bathroom and I must defend against my bad sons trying to impregnate Ash's body, while protecting Lovie and my good son. Good Loki switches places with me to fight against the bad Loki's as Ash's body sits in the bathtub.
Chapter 2: Safe Place
The ex wife of Barb shows up, trying to get in our house. She was punching her child in the face, and our window. I tried to get my children, the good Loki’s to help get her away and protect the family in the house who are under the violent influence of the bad Loki’s.
Barb says she is calling the hospital after she said she would rip out her throat for me. I realize I’m not safe with her and her ex. I leave and find a safe spot in the neighbour’s yard to wait.
Part 7 – Hospitals
Chapter 1: Hospital 1
I’m taken to the hospital by ambulance, not knowing why. It’s my final test, and I sing despite the bad Loki’s doing everything they can to hurt me. I sing to spread light in a darkened time with the virus and people struggling. I’m strapped down in the bed, and stuck with bad Loki’s trying to poke out my eyeballs.
I think a bit more clearly after fluids for dehydration kick in. I talk to a nurse and then the doctor who won’t listen to me. They’re sending me to a different hospital in psych.
Chapter 2: Hospital 2
I’m lied to about how long I’m staying. One of the nurses elbows me in the chest and I get locked in a room. I’m held down and injected. I feel like I’m dying and no one wants to help me when I ask. Loki is there to help me, so is my mom, Death, AKA, Universe. They want to help me escape.
Chapter 3: Day 2
I meet a girl named Snow. She also has multiple personalities. She lifts me up and I help warn her that her other personalities want Snow to fall. She warns me they want to hurt me.
I’m forced to take a bath in the hospital. It feels like a prison, and me a prisoner. They’re keeping me involuntarily.
Chapter 4: Day 3
My sister comes to visit me.
Chapter 5: Day 4,5,6
I’m asked for help a lot by the other patients. I do my best to help them despite not feeling good myself. The staff aren’t helping them.
Social worker tells me I’ll have PTSD from the experience. They give me a brain scan and then let me go home.
Part 8 – Home
I have to set boundaries, and lock my door. The hospital left me traumatized, I’m still messed up and have multiple personalities. I have panic attacks and anxiety I’m not use to. My mom doesn’t take me back well and yells at me and pounds on my door. I have to call CRISIS for the first time, then again. I’m more clear headed through time, and now I know I didn’t have multiple personalities.
Part 9 – Conclusion
I evaluate everything that's happened to me, and what I've missed. I discover what the hospital did to me was false imprisonment, intentional infliction of mental and physical damage, and assault and battery. The system to get help against the hospital lets me down, and I suffer alone trying to seek justice so I can find closure.
