Introduction
Something I dreaded having to do since learning my mother was emotionally abusive towards me in 2021 from counselors ...
I'm officially no contact with her as of May 5, 2025.
The truth I was afraid to speak about because I wanted to protect her feelings or her seeing it and getting bad mouthed, I no longer have to be afraid about since we won't be talking anymore. I was also afraid the hospital would use it against me, but it was the hospital that harmed me in 2021.
This one will be a long one. I ended up including toxic household members and her ex. Take breaks.
How it started:
I decided to call her to say hi. The call went well until it unintentionally hit the topic of 2021. It was something she posted, she said
she didn't that it was my sister, and I didn't believe her since she's said she didn't do something many times when she did. I chose to end the call without saying anything further so it wouldn't be a arguement, I didn't want or need that, I have been going through a rough time worrying about my cat after she got surgery.
Should've known my mom wouldn't let it go, she never does. It's always how the other person she wants to argue with (yell at) is never allowed to retort even in the most gentlest of voices. I learned long ago since childhood you just shut up and let her yell out, break your stuff, stomp after you upstairs, punch walls, but never attempt to argue.
She started writing long negative texts unprovoked, one of them saying how I need to choose to either forget everything that happened (how she treated me) and move on or she won't speak to me anymore because she can't handle being made out as the bad guy when she thinks she did nothing wrong, and that I'm the one that couldn't take responsibilty and I'm the one this and that.
Similar to back when my counselor gave me the (wrong) advice to tell her how I felt about how she treated me without being confrontational or saying it blamey. It proved to me she hadn't changed, she refuses to even self reflect on how she treated me, and instead chose once again to go full attack mode via text blaming me (the victim) instead. She once again used things I told her (cuz she's my mom, you think can trust them until they emotionally black mail you with it like ninja stars) against me. She also said how things I told the hospital could've gotten her son (ex-wife's son that she was tricked into believing her ex-wife had been raped and so she chose to take care of him like her own, and got custody sometime during COVID so he lived with us), taken away or my sister and her baby.
I literally did nothing wrong ... but she was saying during intense physical and emotional abuse by the hospital, who on top of that, illegally gave me strong anti-psychotic meds that I didn't need that affected my heart and overall wellbeing, so I accidentally told them (after days of being held against my will) that yes she use to be a drunk, and told them a few minor things like when I was under 11 she had crawled into my bed (I still remember the covers, Pocahontas), raised her fist at me and made a motion towards my face as she shook her fist at me, telling me if she ever found out I ever hit another person she will knock me out. I remember being very afraid and confused.
She doesn't know I told them but she knows it was something because the hospital illegally violated my privacy by telling her (wrongly,) that she was the reason I was in the hospital due to abuse. I was not in the hospital due to abuse they were just blaming someone outside the hospital in a attempt to not get sued or be held liable. It was food poisoning, completely unrelated to any shape or form of what they had told her over the phone. I didn't even know they were claiming abuse, or that my mom was abusive (until counselors outside of the hospital when discussing how the hospital treated me), because they never told me, They told the one person you shouldn't if you suspect abuse. And then yes, she was extremely emotionally abusive to me after they called and told her that.
Our relationship never recovered because she started yelling at me for doing boundaries, calling me names, saying I was throwing her under the bus and telling everyone that she was abusing me (I wasn't, I just never told her I was going to see a counselor). Called me a bitch, stomped her foot at me many times and held up her hand saying not to talk to her when I was literally not talking to her and she would yell it as I just walked upstairs with my food back to my room with my cat. She always refused to say I love you or hug me, even when I really really needed it. My cat was my only solice. I had no one in my home other than my cat show me any sort of warmth (besides my sister's baby).
No contact:
I've been told multiple times about my mom's behaviour, how toxic it was, and to know that is not normal behaviour and unforunately she will never ever change. But unlike a abusive boyfriend or girlfriend they don't teach you about parental abuse that isn't obvious (like physical). And certainly not how to distance yourself so you don't feel guilty about it, especially when the parent told you on a loop how great they ever treated you and that you had food on the table even during their drug usings and that at least your needs were met, etc. Or society tells you because they are your parent you're not allowed to cut ties for your wellbeing. It's so frowned upon, and you already feel guilty even when you're told you shouldn't, you do, cuz you're raised to centre your entire life around their needs, never your own, and if you do you are punished for it by them.
I know this will tough to navigate. My Tiktok feed 2021+ had been videos of Narcassistic parents, and no contact, but I just watched but never thought of taking that step. Deep down I think I held onto that she could learn, grown, be better especially now that I don't live with her. But she hasn't ... and it's easy to forget when you are constantly living in the centre of it 24/7 anymore. I would be reminded by things she said, or things she would do to my sister.
I cried really hard after our last phone call because I knew deep down I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't put up with her behaviour towards me any longer, for the remainder of my life. I just couldn't. And of course she goes right to the nasty untrue statements like, bet you wouln't care if I died, you hate me, etc, etc. It always goes straight to somehow she is "dying" when she isn't, whenever she knows she pushed something to far but is too stubborn to not do it or apologize. She's been "dying" or threatening suicide since I was a child. Always morbid talk when she got mad or pushed too far.
My mom giving me the ultimatum of either forget everything wrong I did to you, or not talk to me, then of course I chose for my mental wellbeing, which is not to talk to her. I told her previously when she had said "I thought we were passed that," I had said then, and again, that no I never forgot how you treated me, I never will, it will always be with me. But I never threw it in her face, if she did something triggering, I wouldn't text her (I never got a break, even when counselors advised I try, she texted every day, funnily enough when I moved she had said she never would text or call me again for moving) or if a show or something triggered a bad memory I wouldn't say anything. I never brought it up.
Hard but it's good for me. I just know with this hospital small claims stuff, she won't want to be a witness for me anymore, because she's mad. I don't know if she might try to sabotage it by refusing to answer truthfully if I am forced to send her a court document making it mandatory for her to attend.
Honestly I think what she was really mad about was me progressively standing up for myself with boundaries by finally saying what I couldn't while living there. She hated the new boundaries (like only taking care of myself during recovery from hospital abuse while living there) I started such as not cooking every day for everyone else but myself only and locking my room door, she ended up saying I had changed and she hated it. Counselors told me what she really hated was that I wasn't doing everything she wanted anymore and she hated the boundaries and was going to continue to try to trample them.
A few years ago after moving out, I went no contact with my cousin and told my mom. But I have been working my way towards her ex-wife's son, whom I never wanted in my life, and like everyone else, she never gave me a choice who was in my life. I will explain briefly more on that decision in this post. But I had told her March 2025 that I no longer wanted him in my life and he is old enough now not to need me to pretend to say I love you and be forced to. My mom has bad tantrums towards people who say anything negative about him, even saying they don't want him over, it's what caused her to end it with her life long adult friend. She brought it up again in her ultimatum rant about how everything is on me and not her, saying she couldn't believe I would do that. I've always always wanted to ... I was just never in a safe enough space to speak it out. And in doing so she did this and lashed out at me. She never knew my feelings, or me, the person, because I was never allowed to be honest or cared for regarding my feelings.
(Pre-Hospital) Abuse:
My mom was a drunk for half my life. It made me hate the smell of booze, and not like being around drunk people. It made it worse when she got together with her (now) ex-wife who liked to party hard and lived to torment me because she believed I was in her way to having my mom all to herself and most times my mom would believe the made up shit she said. Made me feel alone. They also left open booze all over, her ex left beer, so as a kid I tried it, realized how disgusting it was and never touched it again. Never touched alcohol since, been called "boring" because I refuse to. Homemade kombucha is my jam.
I witnessed a lot of violence. Not just from my mom but the company she kept ever since I can remember. And I mean like people pushing each other down the stairs, fist fights, knife fights, etc. It wasn't pleasant.
One time my mom got drunk and had her top off, and was hiding behind the chair. She told me to toss her a shirt as she held a knife in her hand. I stayed on the phone with a then-friend so she could hear everything in case my mom hurt me with the knife. I don't know exact ages I was, so I know I wasn't in high school yet, it was middle school but I was a teen. My mom came towards me holding the knife too close to me, swinging it back and forth and almost cutting my arm with it as she held onto my arm. I don't recall why, she was just drunk. She chased someone with it and I was fine. I went back up to my room immediately after.
She always punched holes in the wall, I won't repeat about the shaking fist story I already mentioned. But she punched holes next to my head (or my sister's) when she got mad. She was always angry, short fuse. She would break stuff, specifically mine (unless she was mad at my sister, then her's like her tray she one time broke it over her knee). She would chase me up the stairs if I tried to get out of her rage or want for a arguement, knowing I wouldn't be allowed to say anything. So I never did, I would just be quiet, go to my room, stay in my room where I felt safe. But she would almost break down my door, ever since I was a kid if I closed it to try to get her to stop because it was terrifying. Deep down I always knew that, it just became my whole life, it was normal, so.I didn't know what I know today.
Lots of gaslighting, manipulating things to the narrative she wanted not what was actually true. Won't go into that since that's sort of a basic emotional abuse thing. But in all honestly witnessing my mom being together with her ex-wife I 100% thought I would never be emotionally abused like that because I knew what it looked it. What I didn't realize was I already was in a relationship that was abusive, I just didn't know it was my own mom, since you aren't taught what's healthy, what's not.
Yes Child Protective Services was called a few times on my mom about me or my sister. But she always told me if I told the truth (especially about how heavy of a drinker she was) that I would be taken away and go to a very bad family that would hurt me. So to go ahead and see where that got me. So I never told them the truth. And if my mom ever got fed up with having a kid, she always threatened to send me to my grandma. I loved my grandma, I don't think there was anything wrong with her, but in my child mind, being told that, it was being told your mom doesn't want you or love you anymore and you're not good enough. You will be abandoned.
My mom always threatened to to go back to drinking if I ever left, like one time I had told my sister I wanted to move, and mistake on my part because she went and told my mom and my mom freaked out saying if I did she would drink again. So my sister was always told if I left she would have to deal with her being drunk which frightened her into them both making me feel like I couldn't leave. I asked my sister once why she would tell mom, and she said cuz she was afraid to be alone. It made me feel unloved, it wasn't I would miss you, or anything else, it was just fear of being stuck with mom, or being alone. Fear isn't love.
Eventually my mom turned to threatening suicide if I left. Strongest when my sister briefly ran away with her abusive ex. My mom really targeted all her unhealthy rage towards me. She needed me to say something to the landlord over the phone, but to my mom I didn't do a good enough job, so when I hung up she had a physical hissy fit hitting the bed and raging out then followed me out into the hall yelling at me how I messed everything up, and then punched a hole in the bathroom door next to my head. I said I'd fix it, and I did by calling back. She was fine after that. To keep myself from thinking about that day I hung up a Halloween poster that covered it. Not sure if this was 2020 or 2019 it happened.
She must have sensed I really wanted a way out, and was going to call around to find out how to find housing, when she came into my room and told me to follow her to her room. Instead of apologizing for her actions, she just said she was suicidal and I was the only one keeping her from doing it because I needed her. I didn't tell her that wasn't true, I never tell her when something she believes is true isn't like that especially when it's something like suicide and would just hurt her feelings to know the truth. But it made me feel like I wasn't allowed to leave once again, because this time it was suicide she was threatening with. It changes depending how bad she messed up or how angry she was, it was either drinking, running away, suicide, or acting like she was dying soon when she wasn't. Ironically that day she told me she had said she was considering going to the hospital to get a break. But that was just words. She was back to the same stuff again the next day.
She always took out her bottled feelings and rage out on me especially during the time she was with her ex-wife. She would hide when they were back together. One day I only found out because I gave her my manuscript to read, and she said she was excited to read it. But she didn't get through half of it and then never touched it again, even though she said she loved it. I wondered if it was because she had told me before she doesn't like reading, but I thought my work was different. It turned out it had nothing to do with not liking books or me, she stopped reading it because she was busy sneaking around with ex-wife again and I became the backburner. It hurt me, not gunna lie, to know she didn't even try to read something I was so proud of and willing to share with her, all because she wanted to hang around her abusive ex instead.
This isn't the first time she's shown me she either didn't believe in me, or didn't care enough about something I worked hard on and was willing to share with her. When I first started writing she told me to "get a real job" because she didn't believe in me, she told me she didn't think I was serious. Then when she realized I was, she still didn't care enough about my hard work unless it was something she foreseen for me, like when I did art for a hobby, but she wanted me to do it full time not a hobby, and I didn't want that.
Since didn't even notice that the usb I leant her for my manuscript was gone and never asked again to see my work or the newest ones I was writing and outlining. It made me realize, there's no point in sharing her what I do, she doesn't care... the only time she cared was when I was a teen and knew she wanted money and was going to enter a singing competition and when they asked why, instead of saying it was because I love music, it was "so I can support my mom" cause I knew that's what she wanted... and she was so happy when I said that at the time.
I will learn from my mistakes, everything I do, if she ever finds out about them, it wouldn't be from me. And she will no longer have a right to them, I don't need faked support if I get successful. I want the real one. I guess that's why people have fans.
Financial Abuse:
No one taught me how social assistance once you turn 18 was meant to be for only you, or how it worked, or anything about social housing (something I wish I knew at 13 as I wanted to leave since I was 13 but smart enough to know not possible without money and didn't know about housing). My mom kept my social assistance on her cheque by listing me as a dependent. I didn't know what that meant, and I had no reference so I thought this was normal for living with your parent. We lived in a small town so it was extremely hard to get a job, even when I applied to literally everywhere the one time my horrible cousin did something to almost make us all homeless and refused to fix it. So my mom made it up to me, not my cousin or anyone else, to try to prevent that. Thankfully it worked out in the end.
I only realized how much my mom was getting for me and blowing on smokes, gambling, bingo, etc, later on when my then-worker accidentally separated me from her cheque. My mom screamed at me and had a fit and demanded I call to get it fixed, but I told her it can't be fixed. I didn't get what the big deal is, I felt bad and did try to fix it but couldn't. Then when I got my first direct cheque I seen all this time I could've been getting wet food, etc for my cat, and food for myself instead of using GST for my cat. It really upset me. Then my mom set rent now it was separated but she upped it past what she was suppose to. Again, I didn't know, I only realized after paying more and more that 2021 during tax time, she screamed at me again, saying I shouldn't be doing my own taxes without telling her first. Because she only pays "x" amount for rent, and I wasn't allowed to put the actual amount I was giving her. She threw such a horrible tantrum, made me feel like garbage, and berated me for being proud of myself for doing taxes myself for the first time because it was COVID times when library's didn't do it that year.
In 2021 my eyes were seeing the truth about what was said about her, especially how it seemed it was all about control over me. But I was still mildly in denial cuz my whole life was about protecting her and being emotionally there for her, etc. The way she was basically meant to be for me. But I did see that she was about money, not about caring about how I felt. Punched a hole in the bathroom over money, screamed at me for taxes because money, was upset I would be moving out and she would no longer be getting more money. Upset when this year my sister finally gets to move but when she first was told she asked my sister to wait until she could pay off her debts first.
I was worried after the hospital incident that my mom would lie and use it as a way to have some sort of conservativeship over me. Because when my sister had moved out, she told me she wanted to do that to my sister stating my sister wasn't financially responsible and couldn't care for herself so she should look into it and be the over-seer of her money. That was a moment that scared me, because it wasn't the first time she mentioned doing something like that to someone she is suppose to love.
My mom also said she wanted to do it to my cousin, saying she can't take care of herself, can't even bathe herself, and she should get forms to say she has guardianship over her and her finances. Now my cousin is different, it's true she doesn't bathe, and is horrible with money, but my mom has said she wanted to claim basically everyone but her, as being unfit to handle finances and care for themselves alone.
Her most recent 2025 statement was about her son from her ex-wife. I suggested she have him put in for social housing now cuz it's a waitlist of like a decade now so he should get a place of his own before his 30's. But instead she said he can't care for himself and she is thinking of writing that instead. I asked what a example was, and she told me him not caring about his outfit matching ... that he just pulls one out and another and doesn't care that they don't go together. Yes she has always been like that, but I found that ridiculous. When I'm lazy or in a rush, I just yank out whatever too, it's not a reason to make it so you can't have independence for youself, just because someone wants money. It was quite upsetting to hear she was still in the mentallity of wanting to put someone as dependent on her and have control over finances, when it wasn't true and that they could be independent and do stuff for themselves. Like me and my sister can, and have. Unfortunately she still thinks that way about my sister, which is scary, I worry for her, even though my sister is literally moving out on her own and has her own child she takes care of. When my sister was first pregnant I didn't know at the time til my sister recently told me that my mom was going to try to get custody. I reassured her if she ever in the future tries I will attest that you are a good mom so it won't happen.
<slightly side-tracked>
Seeing how B-Spears was treated by her own family though, I really don't want to end up like that. I'm very lucky I didn't. I'm hoping in the future that can never happen if one day I somehow luck out with my career after being stuck in hospital trauma so long. I should never be in a conservitorship and taken advantage of by my mom or sister like B-Spears with hers. Just as I hope that never happens to my sister even if she decides not to contact me any longer because it's too hard on her to have to deal with my mom and I not speaking and she lives near my mom.
I did ask my sister if she still wanted to speak with me despite me no contact with my mom, she said yes, but I'm not sure. Because my mom likes to get me or my sister to talk through one another, so I feel like the one day my sister asked about my cat, was just her asking for my mom, because before my mom did the ultimatum she said she wanted to keep up to date with my cat which I had said yes until she started her mean routine again out of the blue.
After my apartment fire happened my sister was really supportive and less hot and cold. She even spent 5 hours cleaning the damages with her bf (I appreciated that so very much). But sometimes I just don't know what she wants like if she feels forced to talk to me or have any relationship with me because she felt forced by mom (since my mom did force us growing up, which caused us not to be close for a very long time since my mom would punish me alot if it wasn't her desired happy sibling close bond she envisioned). Espeically since last year she had told me her family was her, her kid, and her bf, but it didn't include me or mom ^^;. I often feel like I'm always attemping some sort of connection... before the fire it felt more one-sided.
I don't share what I work on with my sister either, it really hasn't been a interest for her, other than previous paintings I've done for my hobby. I'll leave my future music/writing projects to any possible fans as my support who are there because they like it on their own, not family who may feel obligated to pretend, which I wouldn't want, and I need to have the freedom to speak and be creative without that barrier.
(After Hospital) Abuse (2021+)
I already mentioned her mis-treating me after the hospital incident in 2021. So I won't say much so not to repeat myself (I made videos, it's in the book, etc) by going into much detail. This is already long.
When I worked myself up to be brave enough to discuss the hospital abuse for the first time with my mom, specifically the male nurse who hit me, she didn't let me speak.She stopped me and started tearing up talking about her own time at the hospital. I was upset instead of being there for me, and thinking I was in a safe space where someone would hear me about something so hard to say, and be emotionally there for me, she turned it around to make it about herself instead. And she continued being like that towards me. She would shut me down and make it about herself instead.
She never let me do anything to my hair (except for when she tricked me into giving my hair red highlights because she wanted them in my hair when I was a teen and I had told her if she wants to only temporary wash out but she used permanent and said it was nicer). So I knew telling her I wanted to dye my hair would probably make her made, since she always had me keep it a specific way she liked. SHe did get mad. Even when I tried to tell her it would help me distance myself from that part that got hurt, so I can finally look in the mirror again, separating from that person. After that didn't go well, a day or two before I had a appointment to bleach my hair, she showed up with bleached hair and told me how she was glad to do it because now she feels like a completely different person. It was basically the same thing I had told her (which was very hard to do) and she had been nothing but mean towards me for wanting for myself. After I did my own hair she at one point tried to be emotionally manipulating saying how she wants me to shave off all her hair. I believe I wrote that part in my book, I'm just not positive why she wanted it. But I refused and went back to my room. I think she regretted bleaching it because her hair was thinning. At one point me, my mom and my sister were all blondes. But they didn't take my suggestion for the bleach I used so they had hair fallout issues and that caused a lot of tension specifically between my mom and sister since she had my sister do it and blamed her.
There's too much to write this is already long, I will stop for this. Lets just say I was all alone, no support, waiting for emergency housing to get me out of the situation as my mom still kept her ex-wife around even though she was the reason everything happened. And moving out was not smooth.
Sister's abuse (by mom):
Yes my sister was also abused. Hers was different than mine. She was physically abused via my mom picking her up and literally throwing her onto the couch when she got mad at her. Or shoving her onto the couch. She did it a lot. One time it was so strong, so bad that she threw her, that me and my cousin stood stunned, staring at one another, and I didn't know in that moment if I should call the cops, or what I would say. She had a attachment disorder so being separated from my mom would've caused her mental harm too. Even though I was not old enough to take care of her if it came down to it, I knew my limits and raising a kid was not something I would've been able to do. Especially with how a high school baby toy crying and screaming nonstop (it was broken) made me cry too lol.
She got called a bitch a lot, and also emotionally abused. Each of ours was different. It's like with each child my mom got nicer to them. My mom was nicer with my sister than me (except for the random acts of throwing her or shoving her). Then she was the nicest towards her ex-wife's son. Which was extremely sad because us seeing her with him made us realize she could be kind, could be understanding, could be loving like we deserved (literally said I love you 20x a day to him but not once to us if even slightly upset), but she chose not to for us.
Ex-Wife's son:
I won't go into personal details. I'll keep it short. He's a scary kid.
I was a teen when my mom asked me if I would be his godmother if anything happened to them, and though afraid to say how I truly felt, it was the first time I told her no even though I knew it might make her upset and sad. I am so very grateful that I stood up for how I felt and said no.
My mom was tricked into raising him (her ex-wife was a abuser, violent one). She only found out a few years ago that the father the ex-wide lied about into thinking he raped her, actually was told that he would be doing a favour by being the sperm donor the old-fashioned way so the ex-wife and my mom could have a kid. So both my mom and the guy were tricked by my mom's ex-wife.
Because he was a kid, I was always kind to him, I knew his life was rough so even though I didn't mean it I told him I loved him, because it's what he needed and what my mom wanted from me. Whenever he asked if I was his sister, I told him honestly, no. But I always told him my mom was his mom.
Onto terrifying parts... I never felt safe in my home when he was there. He was prone to grabbing sharp knives to go after someone with (9/10 times was his birth mom). One day he had grabbed gardening shears to stab my mom with while I was sleeping. Thankfully my mom was saved by sister. I was always scared for our lives, especially my mom's and sister's if I was sleeping. He grabbed knives, and wouldn't threaten just one of us to stab, he threatened to stab the animals, especially the dogs because he found them too loud.
He never grew out of the threatening bodily harm against animals though even in 2021 when he was already officially living with us under my mom's care. He sometimes would grab butter knives instead when we hid the sharp ones, and would say he would stab the dogs or cats. So I was always stressed he would kill my cat while I was sleeping. He would kick them, throw stuff at them, hit them with stuff. Even when we said something about it to my mom, she wouldn't care, she would say he's just a kid, and tell him no. But even when he was a teen and still did it, same response.
Glad for locks on my bedroom door, as he always threatened to rape everyone in the house. Even went up behind us to try to hump us. Always mentioned raping us. Again, my mom didn't care when me and my sister were really worried about this and our safety. She always forced everything, she forced my sister to become a caretaker role with him even though she already had her own child and had said she didn't want to. She was always forced to bring him with her.
He use to headbutt and punch my mom in the stomach a lot, leaving bruses and seriously injuring her, but instead of her getting angry she would just hug him or let him do it. It was hard to watch knowing how he could break a rib or send her to the hospital with the amount of times he did it. It also didn't seem fair she could actually be caring enough to give love like that but for her 2 other children, she would always take it away especially when mad. But she is a really good mom with him, and he deserves at least one.
I do wish him well, I am glad he's getting the help he needs and deserves that his birth mom refused him, but that doesn't mean I should be forced to have that violence in my life for the rest of my life too. I did my part, I made sure everytime his birth mom was being a violent drunk, I always took him to safety ever since he was really little. Honestly if my mom would've let us call police when we wanted to he probably would've gotten to a safer home sooner, but she didn't because she didn't think she could get custody of him in time.
Cousin:
I was forced to live with my cousin when my grandma died. Before she died, I was forced to hug her and hang out with her because that's what my mom wanted, but she never understood my cousin was a really mean person and I hated being forced to go see her. She blew all of my grandma's money that was meant to be towards her (grandma's) funeral for herself and made my mom have to find a way to pay for her funeral. She did a lot more horrible things but ...
Animal abuse was the worst to me. Besides smacking the shit out of her own dog (and not bathing or shaving her dog to the point it would be a matted mess and eventually died after I moved cuz she kept it up). To the point where her dog would yelp, really loudly. And my mom never let us say anything to her. My mom refused to listen if we had a complain about her, we always had to put up with her and never say anything or it would upset my mom. Only time you could say anything is if she had chosen my cousin publically (in house to us) that that was the chosen family member she was mad at and shunning that day or week.
My cousin would abuse our animals. She would hit the dogs, and abuse my cat. I was so upset, but I wasn't awake 24/7 so I couldn't protect my cat from her. I only knew she had been hit that day when I would go to pet her precious face and she would flinch away from me. It was unforgivable but once again I wasn't allowed to say anything. Even if you did, like the time I had bunnies and said stop butting your dog against their cages you're going to give them a heart attack, she would pretend like her dog was best friends with the bunnies and disregard anything you say and go sneak to continue doing it.
She specifically would hurt any animal of the person she was mad at. If my cousin was mad at my sister, it would be her dog that gets hurt, if it was me, my cat, etc. Wouldn't just be physical abuse she would also swear at them when she thought no one was listening/around. Unfortunately when my mom got mad at one of us this behaviour went even more disregarded (like after the hospital and she was mad at me, she didn't give a shit, even though she always said how much she loved my cat and obsessed with her she was, but obsession isn't love and her lack of care about my cousin abusing her showed me she didn't). My cat spent 12 hrs a day or longer in my room until it came to night time and then I couldn't protect her because my cousin was left unsupervised.
My cousin had such strange behaviour where it was like compulsive lying for no reason. She would always pretend to sleep when she wasn't sleeping, even if it was literally only me and her downstairs but the kettle was magically on. Or she would move to get up and do something thinking you didn't see it then pretend to sleep again. She loved to snoop on us. Listen in, steal our mail. For years she would steal my coupons from the mail box, even when I put dots on them to mark it and they magically showed up in her coupon book and confronted she still did it. Lots of petty theft, movies, games, mail, cash went missing. When I moved out my sister had hundreds of dollars missing, same with my mom. But again, nothing was ever done or said so she keeps doing this behaviour.
Personal note, have you ever lived with someone who refused to shower? I don't mean for a few days, I mean weeks, months, and you're not allowed to reject a hug because of how horrible that person smells, to the point it latches onto stuff sitting by her, or rooms? That was our cousin. Ever since I was a kid I remembered hating to hug her cuz it was so bad, but then we were forced to when she lived with us or my mom would yell at us. We weren't even allowed to suggest a shower or bath, not even to be polite and say "Hey I just ran a bath for you now that I'm done." I always was polite, but I would literally hold my breath if she passed me, so did my sister. And we hated when she picked up our animals because then they would smell extremely bad from her shoving them in her armpits. She wasn't good at taking care of herself, and she left bags full of garbage everywhere, mostly piled up in the basement. It was disgusting.
She was such a compulsive liar that she told everyone she quit smoking, told my mom up and down she quit smoking. But she got caught, she was really just stealing my mom's cigarette butts from cans, ashtrays, and stole smaller ones my mom put in her smoke pack, and smoked those instead.
When I was in dire need of getting someone to help me during my food poisoning episode, I was in the basement, and shouted for her to go get my sister to help me. She told me to shut the fuck up. I kept trying anyways, and she said she wouldn't because she's sleeping and I need to stop and let everyone sleep. I called her a bitch, first time in my life, cuz she was and a cold one, I could've literally been dying down there and she didn't want to get help. Me banging against the ceiling and calling her a bitch once made her finally go get help, but not the help I wanted, she got my mom instead. In which all my mom did was yell and scream at me. My cousin told her I called her a bitch, but forgot to mention that she told me to shut the fuck up before that. So I said as such, in which my cousin did her fake crying thing she does to get out of trouble, and she lied saying she told the dogs to shut up but didn't say fuck. I said no you didn't yell at the dogs and you did say fuck and that yes I did call her a bitch cuz she wasn't going to get help when I needed it.
That moment really opened my eyes to how I needed to abosultely find a way to get my mom to let me to cut her out of my lfie. A moment I would never forget. I was a adult yet I still wasn't allowed to choose who stays in my life and cut out the abusive toxic ones.
This cousin has been out of my life since 2022 thankfully. I will never have her in my life, never wanted her in my life. Unforunately a lot of my mom's family are really horrible, my grandma was great though and the only one I wanted to have in my life.
Mom's ex-wife:
There's too much to say, it would take a whole new blog. I'll try to keep it short.
She's very violent, she's shoved my sister before, even tried to hold onto my sister as a hostage to keep my mom at her house. But my sister is strong and my mom's ex is usually drunk or high on something so she was able to leave unharmed.
She always showed up to our house unnannouced causing chaos. Physical fighting with my mom, or just to scream at her or use our bathroom to do drugs in. She scratched up my mom's neck one day trying to claw at her. There are countless times she's gotten physical, even using weapons against my mom, or went into a jealous rage over my mom's friends and hit them too.
I've had to go with my mom over to her ex-wife's house a few times to help get the son out of harm's way. I would always have to walk him back to our house so he could stay overnight or for a few hours. My mom never called the police in fear of not being able to see him or he go into the foster system. When I lived at my mom's house I'd make him food (I made my mom and them food every day too). Then his mom would pick him back up with threats and saying how my mom never cares for him and she needs more money for him, etc. But my mom was the only reason he ever had any food, shoes, or clothes, and then his birth mom would go sell off his stuff to buy drugs.
She wasn't good to me ever. When she use to live with us when I was a teen she would make up these stories saying I said this and that, and that I hated my sister, etc, when it wasn't true. It didn't matter if I literally never said a word other than hi to her, she would bring back a made up lie to my mom in attempts to make her hate me so she could have her all to herself. It was really fucked up.
I believe it was just before COVID or around when COVID started, that we had to go to my mom's ex-wife's house because her son called scared and wanted to come to our house because his sister and grandma was getting hit by his birth mom. We arrived to her ex-wife drunk, trying to choke the life out of her mom and we had to stop it. My mom didn't want me to call the cops, she wanted me take him out first and then she would call the cops. So I walked back home with him while that was dealt with.
2021 the night I got sent to the hospital my mom's ex-wife showed up at our door drunk and high on whatever again. My sister screamed my name to come down (one of them usually did when it involved her or something, my mom always said it was cuz I was the calm one). My sister said she needed help getting the ex-wife's daughter into the house for safety because she got punched in the face by her drunk mom. I could see her outside crying with deep pink-red mark on her cheek. I wasn't in shape to help recovering from food poisoning and literally being on the toilet when she had called me down. My sister got her in safely but the ex-wife wouldn't stop making threats against us, and started punching at our door window.
I didn't feel safe, and I knew my sister called the police, I physically couldn't go back up the stairs, and she was at our front door where all the coats and shoes were, so for my safety I ran out back and hid in a neighbour's yard until the police could catch her and put her in jail.
My mom's ex-wife threatened us a lot when she didn't have her way, like my mom's affections (she felt she was pulling away). Her ex-wife was very tight with a lot of drug addicts and dealers that were around the neighbourhood (it was scary where they were literally whipping out machetes and stuff and fighting in broad daylight), where she had gotten them to beat someone up. And she threatened to have them come to our house and do the same to us. The night she showed up 2021 she threatened bodily harm by getting her drug friends to break into our house if she couldn't get through.
End note
You really can pick your family. Because no matter how much they say they love you, or would be there for you, when it comes time to actually show that, you are proven no, no they don't, at least not without strings, not if it isn't on their terms with conditions. And that is what hurts because you don't want to, but you can't keep getting hurt and abused or mistreated.
We part ways but I do love my mom and hope she's happy, just as I truly hope I will be happy too.
